Scattered Thoughts, Al Davis vs. Kim Jong Il

Funny thing:

In the early ’90s, if you had a cellphone, you were assumed to be a drug dealer, unless you were a doctor, lawyer, or businessman.

If you used a payphone, you were probably just stuck somewhere or in need of help.

Today, if you use a payphone, you’re a drug dealer. And if you don’t have a cellphone….well, not only are you anti-social, you’re selfish. Because what if I needed reach you, but because you didn’t have a cellphone, I couldn’t? Huh….what about that?

So….yah. Things have changed.

Last week, it was announced that the absolutely AWFUL Detroit Lions GM, Matt Millen, was finally being fired. Only after the owner’s son publicly embarrassed his dad by announcing that if it was up to him, Millen would have been fired, did it go through. So its safe to say that if son didn’t make said comment, Millen would still be in charge.

Now, Millen was pathetic: his draft skills were atrocious, and he once called one of his wide receivers a ‘fag.’ Nice boss. But what surprises me more is the awful ownership. Millen obviously should have been fired years ago, but the aging owner, a member of the Ford family, never got around to it. Usually, I would chalk this up to old age/senile-ism. But its not; not at all.

Since this joker’s owned the Lions in 1964, the Lions have only won one playoff game.

You read that right.

Now, if you want the definition of pathetic, there it is. How in the hell is that possible? This team had Barry F**king Sanders! And Herman Moore!

Maybe Ford Motor Vehicles isn’t going broke because of the trend to not buy cars in this time of high oil prices and economic emergencies: maybe this knucklehead was sitting in on the board meeting at the wrong time.

Whatever the case, this guy sucks. I’m amazed he’s able to walk on the Mean Streets of Motown without bullets flying by him.

Speaking of Football Owners:

Throughout the first few weeks of this NFL season, the Oakland Raiders organization has been on fire. Like, literally; not in a good way. The whole place is burning to the ground.

Al Davis apparently hired Head Coach Lane Kiffin, but insists on implanting his own schemes into the defense, and won’t let Lane fire any defensive coaches. Yah, it pretty much sounds like a mess; this type of stuff usually doesn’t lead to greatness on the field.

But it got me thinking…..

The Oakland Raiders, for the last ten years or so, have been a lot like a country that you hear about in the news from time to time: North Korea.

Think about it….

The Raider Nation, located in Oakland, CA, is a rather unruly bunch, who paint their faces silver and wear ancient warrior type gear. They often snarl at the camera during games and generally try to intimidate us as viewers.

The Nation of North Korea’s population base is much more mysterious: we really don’t know anything about them, except that their impoverished, relie on foreign aid, and are Communist.

But these two population bases have a lot in common: their governments don’t take care of them very well. When was the last time any took a member of Raider Nation seriously? It’s like, “Dude, take off the war paint and put away the medieval mace….your team sucks. Really. It’ s not very cool.”

The highly militarized North Korean population has the same type of problems.

Ofcourse, this takes us to the leadership of each nation……which is remarkably similar.

Both nations are run respectively by Al Davis and Kim Jong Il.

Both men are old.

Both men have been in power for a long time.

Both men are vain, or atleast try to be.

Both men are extremely creepy, in the Howard Hughes type of way.

Both men are mysterious (ties in to H. Hughes).

Both men wear sunglasses at all times.

Both men have slick-backed black hair.

Both men have an unexplanable love for nylon jumpsuits.

Both men have been rumoured to be dead or on life-support.

Both men, in recent years, lost their intrigue as respectable leaders (if they ever were respected).

Both men like to pretend they are good at sports (Al Davis tries to call defensive plays from his penthouse; it was reported in North Korean newspapers that Kim Jong Il shot a perfect 18 while golfing recently).

And both men are openly poked fun at by the media, but also garner enough fear to earn them respect: remember, the Raiders made the Super Bowl a few years back, so you never know when they might get good again; and North Korea periodically makes headlines because they refuse to allow UN nuclear inspectors to visit their facilities, leading to speculation that they are, in fact, building nuclear weapons.

So there you have it……Raider Nation and North Korea, forever united in creating fear, loathing, chaos, and humor throughout their respective worlds.


I have one thought on Jim Zorn, the Redskins coach, giving a “Hip-Hip Hooray!!” chant with his team after their win this weekend (which was a very good win, by the way).

Terrible. Atrocious. Preposterious (okay, its been more than one thought).

Seriously, does he know these are grown men? And that they play in the NFL? No offense, but I’m a pretty average joe compared to these guys, and even I feel, a little, how do I put it, silly, saying this phrase. I thought they outlawed after you passed the 5th grade.

Hip-Hip Hooray! Good Golly…..

Well, I gotta go. Peacers.
Until Next Time,



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