Here are my thoughts on the NFL teams at this point in the season:
Cleveland: Yo Cleveland, why didn’t you tell me you were gonna score 51 points yesterday? That wasn’t cool, bro.
Cinncinati: Hey Bengals, you should have told me you can’t tackle. Really. You suck at tackling.
Indy: Yo Indy, why you always fronting against the Titans? What’s up wit dat?
Tenn: Steve McNair: I believe in you.
San Fran: Hey San Fran: You doin work, Son.
St. Louis: Marc Bulger….keep gettin me points, kiiiiiiiid.
Green Bay: Yah dawg…..steppin up in the world.
New York Football Giants: Just do me two things: get me touchdowns from Plax, and leave Eli in so he can throw to him. I don’t care if you suck on defense, if you suck on special teams, if you suck in general. Just keep giving Plax touchdowns. And for God’s sake, leave that fat sack of butter Lorenzen on the bench. Thanks (P.S. You Suck).
Buffalo: The only serious thing I’ll write this morning: Congrats on Everett. Everything sounds very promising.
Pittsburgh: I hate your old school unis.
New Orleans: Thanks for not showing up Saints. No really…..thank you.
Tampa Bay: New pick up for Mr. Thing (Fantasy Team) on Monday morning: Jeff Garcia. For all you Jeff Garcia haters out there (and you know who you are), suck it. No really…..suck it.
Houston: Houston, you are keeping me alive. No, seriously…..keep covering.
Carolina: STEVE SMITH IS A BEAST. STEVE SMITH IS A BEAST. STEVE SMITH IS A BEAST.
Hotlanta: I didn’t watch the game. I have no comment.
Jacksonville: Dear Jacksonville,
I hate you. You have been the strangest, most underacheiving team in the league four the last four years. You play poorly when you should play well, and when you should stink, you kick ass. Until you stop playing like a scizophrenic asshole, I will not trust you.
Minnesota: Ohh, Adrian Peterson: Why didn’t I draft you? Why did I not believe in you? I’m living with DeAngelo Williams right now, and no matter what I tell him, he only runs for 60 yds and no tds. He’ll come around in time, but Adrian…..what was I thinking?
Detriot: JON KITNA…..YOU ARE MY HERO. I ADMIRE YOU. YOU ARE A BEAST. AND ROY WILLIAMS…..YOU PLAY WITHOUT HELMETS. YOU ARE A BEAST.
Dallas: I did not watch your game. If I flicked to your station, I immediately changed it.
Miami: I did not watch your game. If I flicked to your station, I immediately changed it.
Seattle: Do you want to win games, or lose games? Do you play to win games, or lose games? I think you play to lose games; maybe someone else feels differently.
Arizona: Matt Leinhart: Why don’t I like you? I don’t understand. Is it because you’re friends with Nick Lachey? I don’t know……but I don’t like you.
Kansas City: YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME.
Chicago: Rexy…..you need to give Bernard Berriam some touchdowns. I’m serious….stop being such a Tool. (Devin Hester……you run it, dawg. You run it).
Oaktown: Janiscowski, you Straight Gansta. I don’t care what people say: You Gansta.
Denver: Mike Shannahan: You call scummy timeouts. Admit it.
Jets: I didn’t watch your game. Sorry.
Baltimore: I didn’t watch your game. Sorry.
San Diego: It must have been the video tapes. No really….that’s why you lost. I’m sure of it. All that cheating. Don’t sweat it….you got freakin murdered cause of all the Pats illegal video taping. Better luck next time, bitches.
THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS…….RUN THE NFL. DON’T FORGET, SON.
Why does Sportscenter suck?
Why is O.J. robbing people with guns?
Until Next Time,