Why I’m banned in China/Beer ads, beers ads, and more beer ads


Don’t you hate it when you read someone’s stuff on the internet, and you expect them to write consistently, like atleast twice a week, but then like a total asshole they take the whole week off without an explanation, and the only post they have up is some stale post about a story that was cool to talk about four days ago. It really drives me bonkers. I hate people that do that.
Yah, pretty much, I hate myself.

But hey, I’m here to take care of business: lets get started.

Okay, I’ve got two ongoing projects I’m working on: The Nintendo songs thing and my history of tenting (some of you may not know what the hell I’m talking about). I plan on finishing those projects, but like most things that I start without finishing within a week: I get tired of them. I will finish them, because I set out to get the job done, dammit!!!……but I’m just gonna talk for a little bit.

Don’t Mess With the Chinese:

I just talked to my friend recently who is living in China for about the next three months. While he was living here, he frequented my blog a lot. Well, he told me that he couldn’t read my blog anymore because the Chinese government has pretty much shut down access to all blog website access throughout the country. There is obviously a lot of stuff at play here, but he told me in his email that one of the reasons is that an American guy living in China has ruffled a lot of feathers. He was teaching English to adults and simultaneously writing in a blog. In the blog he talked about how he slept with all sorts of Chinese woman, some of whom were married. He also mentioned how he was sexually superior to all Chinese men. Now, obviously, some of this probably hogwash, but it brings up some interesting points:

China=Scary: We’ve all heard for awhile how the Chinese government has put clamps down on internet access, which have recently been loosened. Hey, there’s even a Chinese version of MySpace now. But this still makes it clear that China can pretty much control what over a billion people access on the internet. I don’t know what else to call that but scary.

Some people take the term “Brass Balls” to a whole new level: Okay, I understand a lot of people like to express their sexual prowness on their blogs. Hey, whatever floats your boat. But this guy in China is taking that to a whole new level. Its one thing to say, “Sandy and I had great sex last night.” Its a whole nother thing to state, while living in China, that, “Not only do I sleep with married Chinese women, but Chinese men are inferior in the sack. Oh, and by the way, I’m an American. U-S-A! U-S-A!” Yah, last time I checked, that’s a good way to get yourself executed.

Now, I’m not debating the pair of Brass Balls this guy has: they’re about as brass as they come. But there’s a fine line between having a set of cojones and being straight-up suicidal. With this guy, I’m gonna go ahead and call him suicidal. I just hope for his sake his ass ain’t thrown into some dungeon.

I Feel Cool: Honestly, the fact that my buddy can’t read my stuff, simply because he’s in China, makes me feel real cool. My stuff is banned in China!! I’m totally being censored!! If you go to China, its illegal to read my blog!! I don’t know how you feel, but that makes me feel real freaking cool.

Anyway, enough about the Chinese and blogs. The moral to this story: Don’t blog mess with the Chinese.

Television Ads I Want to Talk About:

Every now and then, I like to talk about TV ads I see. Why?? Because I feel that the corporations spending all this money on advertising expect us to pay attention. Hey, I might not buy their product, but I will blog about their ads. That’s something.

Redstrip Beer:

Every once in awhile, a really clever, low budget ad campaign will roll around. Back in the ’90s, Foster’s beer had some great ads, with the concept being, ‘How to Speak Australian.’ Unfortunately I can’t seem to find any of the really good ones on Youtube. But one showed a grainy image of a Great White Shark swmimming around, and the Australian voice said translated it to “Guppy.” It was great. It was totally low budget, and hilarious. This has nothing to do with the fact that Fosters sucks and Australians don’t even consider it beer, but hey, they had damn good ads. And then, in the late ’90s and early 2000s, they started putting more money into them, and actually making real ads. And you know what…..they were never as good or funny. They were just like other generic ads. And to top it all off….Fosters still sucks.

Anyway, for those of us who watch PTI consistently on ESPN, a similar ad campaign has been going on for the last few years: Redstripe. Just like Fosters, its imported (from Jamaica). Unlike Fosters, its actually pretty good (and expensive).

Well, the ads have been running pretty much exclusively during PTI airings for the last few years, so it’d be easy to miss ’em if you’re not an aged 18-35 male. But the original ads were obviously low budget, unconventional….and absolutely fantastic. Here are a couple of the good ones:

There were a couple more like this. I don’t know about you, but I think they’re freaking brilliant. I love ads like this….they fart in the face of everything that’s conventional about advertising. And now??? Well, unfortunately, they’ve gone the way of Fosters. Now there’s special effects, quirky humor, and new sets: and they’re not as good. I mean, maybe its better for them. Maybe sleeker ads bring in more revenue. But its still sad to see the ads go down hill. (Luckily, the Redstrip guy is still the star).

Before I leave this subject, here’s another one that I’ve never seen before.

While We’re Talking About Beer Ads:

Screw it, here’s some good beer ads for your viewing pleasure:

No idea why this first one was banned from TV. It may just be the most FREAKIN COOL BEER AD EVER.

Here’s a good one….my Mom will like this ’cause she likes Flashdance.

Hahn’s may just have the best damn beer ads in the world. Don’t know how the beer is.

The next one is easily one of my favorite ads ever….it was on heavy rotation here in the states about 3 years ago. Since this ad, I’ve been very disapointed with Coors Light ads in general.

Honestly, I can’t even tell if this next one is a real ad or not….but it totally kicks ass.

A really good Heinenken ad.

This last one is without question the most epic beer ad ever made. In fact, its probably the best beer ad ever (I wrote another one of my asbolute favorites in an earlier post; I will post the link). But first, please, enjoy this superb achievement.

Here’s the link for where you can find a previous entry where I posted two Heinenken ads and wrote about. I think one of these ads rivals the Carlton one for being epic.

Okay, I’m about done. Sorry if all these videos have frozen your computer….I’m kind of a jerk like that.

Until Next Time,


3 thoughts on “Why I’m banned in China/Beer ads, beers ads, and more beer ads

  1. Jay says:

    Not in China anymore. On the beach in Thailand, spent about 12 hours in Bangkok saw my first Bankok sex show, a vast array of tricks performed by the vaginas of women past their prime. a god awful place. Anyways I can read the blog again, I’m off to eat thai BBQ and drink beer.
    p.s. a smoking pussy cannot be healthy…

  2. belinda says:


    was googling chinese beer ads and stumbled across your site. my bro was recently in china and was picked up off the street to feature in a commercial for lancang beer. Back in aus we are dying to see it. Features a lot of frollicing in the flowers and a badly trained dog apparently. you seem like a well travelled fellow who likes his beer ads…any chance you’ve seen this one or know somewhere i can view it on the net?


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