JANUARY 30, 2007
What’s up yo,
How’s life? Good? Glad to hear it. I just got (have) some random thoughts tonight: Here we go!
First of all, there’s an ad on TV these days that’s really been bothering me. Its a Bud Light ad, and though I like most beer ads, I feel like they’ve been getting dumber and dumber over the years, and this one takes the cake. The story: some guys get rubber floors installed in their apartment. The reason: so they can bounce Bud Lights to each other off the floor, leading to one roomate stating “We’ll never break a Bud Light again.” First of all, broken beer bottles are a part of life: we should all just learn to live with this. Second of all of, not only would bouncing beer bottles off the floor send them crashing into walls and ceilings, leaving chards of glass everywhere, the people trying to catch the beers would undoubtably have glass bottles smash off their faces. It would be a catastrophe, especially if those bouncing/catching the beers were a few beers deep. On top of all this, there’s a million other reasons to have rubber floors installed, like bouncing remotes to each other (which the ad mentions), or easily cleaning up spills. Why would you install rubber floors just to bounce beer bottles around? Still, I’d like to hang out at their place and bounce beer bottles around.
2) There’s a group in Boston, and I think in other cities, called Drinking Liberally. Its a group in which young liberals meet with each other to discuss politics and drink booze. Now, I’ve never been to a meeting, so I’m really not one to talk, but here’s a few suggestions I have for the group:
Invite a few conservatives, maybe a moderate or two, and then a few people who don’t know a damn thing about politics and are pretty stupid in the first place. I mean, wouldn’t this be more interesting? Look, I don’t like to discuss politics, so maybe this is just me, but I think it would be boring as hell at a Drinking Liberally meeting. I can see it now:
“Great idea. I totally agree with you.”
“Yah, I agree too”
“Yah, me too.”
“Hey wait a minute…so do I! Weird!!”
God, spare me. I’d probably fall asleep after a couple of brews. But if you threw a few a conservatives in their, things might get interesting. It might look like this:
“Hey, great idea!”
“Yah, you said it!’
I disagree…you slimy Commie bastard!!”
Now thats fun. Throw in the guy who nows nothing about politics, and you’ve got something like this:
“I agree. Great idea!”
“You Socialist bastards make me wanna puke!”
“Hey, dude, my shit smells like fruit!”
Now, we’ve got something. Anger, incompetence, stupidity…my idea of a good time. Because when I go out, I’m looking to have a good time…not to be bored out of my mind. They’ve already got alcholol, making people more stupid, incoherent, short-tempered, and funny: just throw in some interesting people, and, VALWA, you’ve got a recipe for a fun Friday night.
An even cooler idea would be to have “Extreme Drinking Liberally”, and invite some radical conservatives, radical liberals, a few random criminals, and let people bring weapons. Totally Awesome!!
3) On a related note, I’ve been thinking of creating my own group, called Drinking Conservatively. This would not be a political group: instead, it would be a play on the play on words that Drinking Liberally created. For instance, from hearing of a group called Drinking Liberally, you might mistakenly think that this was a group who drank liberal amounts of alchohol, leading you to show up with a 30-pack and find a politcal discussion under way. Booooooring!! In my case, I would hope to have people say, “Hey, a group where we can have a conservative political discussion and drink together, alright!,” leading them to show up and find us truly drinking conservativily. No one would be allowed to have more than one drink in a half hour period; definitely no hard liquor; and members would be required to say things like “Hey, take it easy, you’re driving!” and “Wow, wow, slow down, thats how people get hurt!” I think this would be hilarious: somehow, I don’t think anyone else would.
4) I think Frosted Mini-Wheats have to be considered one of the top five cereals of all-time. Anyone who wants to discuss, feel free. I just think it deserves a place there.
5) If I was a really brillant scientist, my highest priority would be to create a medicine that could soothe your lips and gums after eating massive amounts of Sour Watermelons and Sour Patch Kids. I believe this to be extremely important!! Thats why its a good thing I’m not a madly brillant scientist.
6) I think people should dress up for Valentine’s Day. I mean really, all that we do is buy candy and flowers for our signifigant others. We can’t actually dress up as a flower, or maybe smear chocolate all over our bodies and dance in a “Valentine’s Day Ritual.” Lets face it, this holiday sucks: we need to spice it up a little. I think a really good Valentine’s Day outfit would be a “Flaming Heart”, in which someone is actually lit on fire in a fire retardant suit shaped like heart. That’d be sooooo AWESOME!!!
7) I think it would be cool if the GPS systems in cars had names, like Larry. Everytime I turned my car on it would say “Hello, Greg.” And I could be like “What’s up, Larry?” And then he’d be Larry, simple as that. If I wanted to change it to Ralph, or maybe Ernie, later on, I could do it without a problem.
8) If I could be any bird in the world it would be an albatross: I mean, c’mon, they fly across the oceans. It would have to be before planes existed, though, cause it would suck something righteous to get sucked into one of those bad boys. I considered being a penguin, but those Leopard Seals are real bastards.
9) Whosever reading this bad boy, I’m out. I’ve stayed up way to late writing this thing: but I gotta say, its been fun. See you later, loser. (Just kiddin).