Cutting the Slacking

What’s up,

I’ve gotta stop slacking, straight up.

First up….I’ve got a killer eye infection right now. Not conjuctionitis or anything….just some mystery “I’ve been wearing my contacts too much” eye infection. It feels like there’s a monkey in my head chiseling away at my eyeball from the inside. So I’m not in the best of moods. So if I cut this entry off early….well, I’m sorry.

First off….I’ve gotta say right here, right now, I AM A TOTAL DIPSHIT. Let me explain.

I was going to an engagement party in Conn. this weekend….and sometime during the week, I had a great idea.

“Hey”, I thought. “Why don’t I print up my blog address on little pieces of paper, and give them out as party favors.” This dawned me a couple weeks ago, when I was a bar with a friend and we randomly met some of her high school friends. Well, we all became friends, and at the end of the night, I was like, “Hey, you should check out my blog!” And they were like, “You’ve gotta blog!?!? Cool!.”

But what was I gonna do….write down my blog address? Yah, that’s not dorky and shitty. I can see it now.

“Umm, yah, I’ve gotta blog, umm, do you have a pen? Yah, its not easy to remember….it’s What does it mean?? Ohh, it doesn’t really mean anything….I just picked it because I had no idea what my blog was gonna be about when I started it. What’s my blog about now? Ohh, I don’t know, I guess I still haven’t figured that out. Yah…I don’t know. Ohh, you don’t have a pen? You’re not gonna check it out? Yah, that’s cool…I’ll see ya around, maybe.”

So instead I was like, “Ahh, forget about it.”

Honestly, I’m actually going to change my URL (I already have a new one), but I need to spend like four hours copying and pasting all my stuff from one site to another. WordPress can’t change a URL of an already existing blog. When its all said and done, I’m gonna make business cards: 500 with Vista Print for 5 bucks I think. Once I have business cards…I’ll be a Straight Pimp. But until then….I have to print out my blog address on little pieces of paper to convince people to read this shiznit.

Which brings me to why I’m a total dipshit. The party I was attending was this past Saturday night. On Friday afternoon, at around 5:30, I decided to print out blog addresses for everyone. Okay…so far, so good. But a vital error was made at this point, which would alter my entire plan tremendously.

I spelled GRHOVANE wrong.

Now, I’m not gonna make excuses….but a couple things need to be made clear here:

Man….it was Friday. Not just Friday….5:30pm on a Friday afternoon. We all know how that feels…Time To Go Home. I didn’t even want to spend the five minutes making them….but I made myself do it. And in classic “I’m tired, its Friday, I want to go home” fashion….I printed a bunch of little pieces of paper that read “GHROVANE.WORDPRESS.COM”

Now look at that….there’s no way you can really tell the difference with a click glance, right?

I mean, here’s a closer look:



Whatever…I’m not here to make excuses for myself. I should have made them Wednesday, when I was still fresh. Fast forward to Saturday at about 9pm: I start babbling to everyone at the party about my blog, passing out my little pieces of paper like they’re candy. Acting like a bigshot…pretty much blowing myself up. And honestly…everyone was pretty psyched about it, saying things like “I can’t wait to check out your blog!”

Fast Forward to the Next Morning: Hanging at my buddies place, he tells me he’s gonna go to my blog. After a couple minutes, he says “Hey man, what’s up with your site.”

I took a look and it said GHROVANE didn’t exist. I thought, “Bullshit.” So I put in GRHOVANE…and presto, there it was. I just figured his computer was messed up.

Well, about an hour and a half later, his dad had the same problem. At first, I was like, “Wow, their computer sucks!” Then his dad said “What, did you print the wrong address on here?”

First time it occurred to me….and upon closer, closer inspection, I noticed my flaw. At first, my mind was blank. There wasn’t even anything there. And slowly, gradually, as it all began to sink in, one word flashed across my mind, over, and over: “DIPSHIT.”

Hey, what are you gonna do….sometimes peanuts, sometimes shells.

To all of you folks from Conn. who finally made it here, if Ryan emailed you the link: Welcome.

In other news: I’m writing this as the NCAA Basketball Championship plays in the background. Florida has about a ten point lead. Just wanted to mention that. The fact that this game started at 9:21pm on a Monday night proves one thing to me: the NCAA, along with CBS, may love the student athlete, but they HATE THE CHILDREN. Seriously….how’s a 9 year old kid supposed to watch this on school night?? I know, I know…the whole West Coast thing messes everything up. Well….can’t they watch it on tape delay? We all have to do it for the Olympics. Tough it up, West Coast. THOSE PEOPLE don’t care about sports anyway….they have HOLLYWOOD.

Moving on….

Last week, it was announced that NBA star Lebron James was building a mansion to destroy all mansions, with a two story closet, a bowling alley, a movie theater, a barbershop, and a casino. Okay, okay…..I’ve heard of two story closets, in-home bowling alleys, and in-home movie theaters. But its the last two that really make me scratch my head. First: The Barber Shop.

Okay….I know, barber shops are pretty cool these days. They even have Barber Shop movies. My barber shop used to be pretty wild, with some characters cutting the old hairs…..Lord knows, I’ve got some good barber shop stories. Barber shops are cool places for guys (and girls) to hang out, hear local gossip, listen to crazy people off the street rant about irrerevant shit, listen to sports arguments, smell cologne, and get cheap haircuts. I’ve had my share of barbers: Sarno, the guy who took like 40 minutes but did a good job (and had like 100 Anna Kournikova photos pasted to his corner); Nato, who always had the most talent, but was also a loose cannon, and is no longer there; Tony, the owner, and the coolest guy in there (always a good conversation); and the Infamous Russian Dude (real name not known), who caused terror and mayhem from the months of February-July of 1998, when it was never known if a customer would leave with a crewcut, a shaved head, a wiffle with bangs (received by yours truly), or a slighltly nicked ear. It should be noted: the Russian Guy was primarily used for sweeping the floor, but if you entered, and everyone was taken except him, his eyes would light up, and he would look up from his broom, and say, almost like a little kid, “Haircut!?!?!” It was up to you if you nodded…or simply shook your head and sat down. Always a little awkward.

Anyway…I guess, with all of this in mind, I can see why Lebron would want a barbershop. Its a cool place to hang out. The logic is there….the principle, not so much.

I mean…c’mon Lebron! How fun, or crazy, can your barber shop be if its IN YOUR OWN FREAKING HOUSE!?!? First of all….who do you hire as a barber? Your Boy who used to cut everyone’s hair? C’mon….that’s whack. Not only that….but, assuming there won’t be many customers, do you pay him salary? Do you tip your own barber? Do just say screw it, and open it up to the public? Are there always gonna be random people in there, hanging out and cracking jokes, just so if you’re having a bad day, you can drop in and get cheered up? And if this is the case….won’t everyone hanging out in the barbershop stop liking you, and start talking smack about you….in the barber shop? I don’t know….I just don’t see it.

But the barber shop pales in comparison to the casino.

Okay…..lets think about what a casino is. Its a place where we go to try to win money….from THE HOUSE. Its fun….for a couple of hours, you’re trying to win someone else’s money. Part of the experience is going to the casino… can be a fun-filled, albeit expensive, trip with some friends….or it an angry/depressed filled, albeit expensive, trip with some friends. But whatever the case….its kind of an adventure.

Now, having a casino in your own home…..that’s just straight up ludicrous. First of all, who’s money are you trying to win? Your own? Umm, sorry…that doesn’t sound like much fun. Especially since you’re alreaday a bazillionaire…its actually a little depressing.

This raises a question: is Lebron going to “gamble” at his casino, essentially trying to steal from his own “house,” or is he going to let all his buddies gamble there. I say the latter. Which again….seems kinda lame. I can just see Lebron, lounging around in a robe and boxers, a couple models on both arms, walking around his casino, watching all his childhood friends try to take some of his money. Yelling things like “Yo Lebron, I just doubled down on 11 and won $500….cool huh?” Wouldn’t it just be easier to be like “Yo Lebron, lemme bum $500….c’mon dawg, you’re rich!”

My Verdict: Casinos are not a good idea for a house. Barbershops….maybe. All this being said….Lebron’s way cooler than me.

More stuff in the news:

I read on that some kids in their early 20 are abstaining from MySpace and FaceBook during Lent. Ummm…..I don’t even know what to say. I’m stumped.

Okay…I’m out. But I’ll be back with two reviews this week: a music review, and a movie review. Stay tuned.

Until Next Time,


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